An Equation of Almost Infinite Complexity

An Equation of Almost Infinite Complexity is now available in audiobook+. If you’re potentially interested in this very funny and very Canadian satire, you can listen to a nearly two-hour free sample  at Unauthorized.

When the devil moves in next door to Cooper Smith Cooper’s house, Cooper doesn’t know what to make of him at first. But when the unexpectedly neighborly Mr. Scratch helps the unemployed actuary find a job at a local insurance company with the help of some inside information into the activities of Death, Cooper decides the old devil might not be so bad after all.The only problem, Cooper thinks, is how to conceal from his fellow actuaries his newfound ability to perfectly predict the time and place of people’s deaths.

And then, there is also the small matter of the screams of his recently deceased neighbor coming from Scratch’s basement furnace to consider.

The audiobook+ of An Equation of Almost Infinite Complexity is now available at Arkhaven Comics. Narrated brilliantly in true Canadian fashion by Ken Dickason, the audiobook+ is 14 hours 17 minutes long and includes the ebook in both EPUB and Kindle formats. The paperback is also available at Castalia Direct.

From Chapter Five: The Loves of Thisbe

Thisbe pulled the car into traffic. “Songs about lovin’ and livin’ and good-hearted women…” sang the countrified radio.

“Songs about chintzes and blintzes and sprained arms in splintses,” sang Julius. He turned the radio off and sang with a Nashville accent: “Get your tongue out of my mouth baby, I am kissing you goodbye.” He spoke: “You can’t improve on that one, really.” He went back to the radio song: “Songs about sneezes and cheeses and snot when it freezes…”

“Julius,” said Thisbe, mock-annoyed, shifting gears and passing a car on the right with a stomp on the accelerator.

“I’m just one rhyme short for you: ‘Songs about frisbees and Thisbes.’ I suppose I could add ‘how-did-you-miss-me-s’ or something like that.”

“‘Bar Mitzvies’?” Thisbe suggested.

“No one was ever elected Pope by offending the Jewish vote. To judge by the number of Holocaust movies, the world is now seventy-five percent Jewish.”

“Julius…” said in a warning.

“I know, I know. Even the nephew of the king must be careful.”

“You aren’t the nephew of the king.”

“True. I got my job on merit. I blackmailed a politician.” Julius was in a government ministry, a job which he claimed combined the best of banking (“hours: ten to three”), teaching (“we do nothing between June and September”) and prostitution (“that little thrill you get when the hand drops into your pants is actually us, reaching for your wallet”).

“Mm hmm.”

“Blackmail is just as much a job skill as dating the boss’s daughter or having large breasts. You get what you put in. That’s my motto.”

But Thisbe changed the subject. “It’s too bad you weren’t there for the service.”

“I can’t go to Scratch’s service. I’m an atheist.”

“Julius, it would be nice if I didn’t have to go alone to these things.”

“You weren’t alone. I came along after the service. Remember, I come from a family of atheists. In fact, a family of Catholic atheists. The kind who believe you have to be punished for your sins even if there is no God. My folks should actually be Unitarians, the church specifically designed for atheists with children. But I’ve progressed. I maintain an independent posture toward the World to Come. To the extent that I dabble, I believe that Allah is God and Mohammed is his prophet. In the meantime, I like German beer, country music, and the Montreal Expos, or, as we call them in English, the Washington Naturals. Women dig me.”

She understood that all this was male bravado, perhaps not particularly well done. “Why Mohammed?” she said, following his irrelevancy despite herself.

“Well, first of all, Mohammedans become cross when you disagree with them. You say to a Moslem, ‘I beg to differ,’ and the next thing you know a pleasant young woman in a burkha comes to the door and detonates a nail bomb hidden in her purse. The suicide bomber is Islam’s one truly original contribution to world culture this last four hundred years.”

“Uh huh.” Thisbe was tired of this.

“But more importantly,” said Julius, sensing he was unappreciated, “A refinement on Pascal’s wager. Pascal says that since you know you’re going to die, there are really two possibilities: you die and it doesn’t matter what you did; or you die and it does. He says you should believe in God because you don’t lose much by wasting an hour a week being Christian, and if God does exist, you could gain Eternity. It’s always worth betting on a long shot if the upside is pretty snappy—eternal life, for instance. Like a lottery ticket that costs less than you’d notice spending and could win you a million spondulix. I mean, why not invest a few hours?”

“So why won’t you come to church with me then?”

“As I said: a refinement. I took Pascal one better. He’s right. You should do at least the minimum if you might get eternal life. But what kind of eternal life? That was my question. Christian eternal life is endless contemplation of the Godhead. So that’s pretty good. Better than a visit to the proctologist, for instance, although some of my gay friends might disagree. But at least better than waking up and finding yourself the cheeseburger course in an eternal Satanic McDonald’s, which is what my ancestors believed.”

“But you don’t believe it.”

“In what, proctologists? Of course I believe in them. I’ve got the stretch marks to prove it. But that’s not what we were talking about.”

“Jesus, Julius.”

“Yes, him I don’t believe in. Nor that eternal contemplation stuff. Why believe in eternal contemplation of anything? Islam takes Christianity one better. Instead of contemplating God, when an Islamic man gets to heaven, he gets–”

“You’ve got to be kidding.”

“Babes! By the truckload. Gallons of them. Talk about your world’s great religions. It’s sort of like Calvin’s doctrine of Total Depravity. But—a very optimistic kind of Total Depravity.”

“It’s chauvinistic. Do the women get truckloads of men?”

“If you’re betting on an afterlife, go big or stay home is my advice.”

“What about the women?”

“Oh, they’re all virgins.”

“No, the women who get to heaven.”

“What about them?”


How to be Straight

Milo Yiannopoulos is not straight, but that’s never stopped him from handing out excellent advice. And let’s face it, heterosexuals need it. Milo has spent his entire life advocating for the most brutally repressed minority on the planet—straight people. In this book, the Grand Marshal of the Boston Straight Pride Parade explains what straight people are getting wrong in 21st-century America and how to keep your pecker up in a world that seems increasingly hostile to heteros. One day, says Milo—if the injunctions in this book are followed—straight people will be able to openly express pride in themselves without fear of judgement or hate, just like everyone else.

In today’s America, few are brave enough to be openly heterosexual. For the rest of us, there’s HOW TO BE STRAIGHT.

Milo Yiannopoulos is an award-winning journalist, a New York Times-bestselling author, an international political celebrity, a free speech martyr, a comedian, an accomplished entrepreneur, a hair icon, a penitent and, to the annoyance of his many enemies, an exceedingly happy person. He is the most censored, most lied-about man in the world, banned from stepping foot on entire continents for his unapologetic commitment to free expression.

HOW TO BE STRAIGHT is available for $2.99 at Amazon and in EPUB/Kindle formats at Arkhaven. A paperback edition will be available soon. And while you’re at it, be sure you haven’t missed Milo’s other books:


The problem of Susan

An intelligent and surprisingly sensible take on a character from Narnia:

How do you solve a problem like Susan Pevensie?

Oh, Susan.  The most maligned and misinterpreted of Pevensies.  And, incidentally, my favorite character.  Let’s talk a moment about these misinterpretations, particularly the ones that have absorbed themselves into the popular consciousness despite how many times I yell about them on Twitter.

In a Time Magazine interview, J.K. Rowling described her debt to C.S. Lewis.

“I found myself thinking about the wardrobe route to Narnia when Harry is told he has to hurl himself at the barrier in King’s Cross Station—it dissolves and he’s on Platform Nine and Three-Quarters, and there’s the train to Hogwarts.”

However, she points out that there were aspects of the Narnian chronicles that bothered her.  She also points out that Susan Pevensie

“…is lost to Narnia because she becomes interested in lipstick. She’s become irreligious basically because she found sex. I have a real problem with that.”

On that note, Philip Pullman penned an angry Guardian article where he claimed that for Lewis, a girl’s achieving sexual maturity was

“so dreadful and so redolent of sin that he had to send her to Hell.”

It’s so unsurprising that Pullman proves to be as hapless a reader as he is a writer.


Bringing back the old books

As part of our mission to save the remnants of Western Civilization, we are seriously considering having Castalia publish print editions of certain public domain books. The idea is to crowdfund each project, thus making sure we don’t waste any time, effort, and expense on books that no one wants.

Unless, of course, I just really want to do that particular series….

Anyhow, the first candidate is the Collier Junior Classics, as it’s something I consider a must for every homeschooling family. We’d probably also look very hard at a Great Books series, as well as some of the more important military history works.

Let me know if this concept is of genuine interest to you, and what books would be of sufficient interest to you to back the crowdfunding of them.


The revolution will be crowdfunded

Or will it? For reasons that I am not currently able to disclose, I consider it to be highly unlikely that Neon Revolt is going to be able to complete his preorder campaign for Revolution Q on Indiegogo:

The INDIEGOGO Pre-Order campaign for Revolution Q is NOW LIVE!

We’re bypassing Amazon! We’re bypassing traditional publishers. We’re bypassing everyone and bringing this campaign straight to the people!

The campaign will run for a total of 23 days, and this will be the only way to get your hands on a copy for quite some time!

So head over to Indiegogo to join the pre-order, now!

Just to be clear, I’m not blackpilling or being negative here. I absolutely support what Neon is doing and encourage everyone who is interested to back his campaign, but I also happen to be extremely well-informed concerning Indiegogo’s official position on Q. So, get in touch if they suspend your campaign, Neon. We’ll be happy to help you get the book out if they shut down your preferred path to publishing.


The #1 Gardening bestseller

You can now preorder David the Good’s latest in the Good Guide to Gardening series, Free Plants for Everyone, from Amazon.

Do you want to grow apples from seed? Or learn to graft? Or germinate seeds from that awesome old honey locust tree in your Grandpa’s backyard?

In Free Plants for Everyone, you will learn tried and true methods of plant propagation that will allow you to grow pretty much anything you like without giving your hard-earned money to plant nurseries. Gardening expert David The Good takes the mystery out of plant propagation and shares propagation secrets from the nursery business as well from his many years of experience.

Whether you’re interested in starting a plant nursery, saving money on gardening, saving old fruit tree varieties or simply want lots of plants to give away, this book is for you. Start plants from cuttings, seeds, division and more. Includes information on propagating and saving seeds from 101 different species, as well as pen and ink illustrations by the author.


MIDDLE RAGES by Milo

Medieval Studies is the critical study of Europe’s self-identity. No understanding of Western civilization is possible without it. Inevitably, Left-wing academics want to introduce gender studies and race theory to the field—and punish those who refuse to conform. When one University of Chicago professor dared to publicly celebrate the Christian identity of the Middle Ages, she was branded a ‘violent fascist’ and ‘white supremacist’ by her colleagues. 

Now Medieval Studies scholars are tearing their own discipline apart with witch-hunts, name-calling, boycotts and intimidation. The damage done to academia could be incalculable. In this influential essay, originally published to widespread online acclaim, New York Times-bestselling author and award-winning journalist Milo Yiannopoulos explains why we should all care about the newest front in the cultural war, the academic battle for the Middle Ages.

Foreword by Professor Mark Bauerlein of Emory University.

MIDDLE RAGES: Why the Battle for Medieval Studies Matters to America is the latest short from Milo Yiannopoulos. It underlines, very clearly, how the culture war against Christianity, Western civilization, and America permeates every single aspect of society, from academia to video games, and how there is no escape from it. MIDDLE RAGES is available in Kindle format from Amazon and in EPUB and Kindle format at Arkhaven Comics.


Of friends and vampires

In his bestselling new book, HOW TO BE POOR, Milo Yiannopoulos explained how his strategy for selecting friends backfired on him:

The sad fact is your friends helped you end up where you are today, just like they did for me.

Even before my rise to intergalactic fame, my life was overflowing with friends and prospective friends desperate to break into my social circle. This exploded as I entered the American stage in full force starting in 2014. My ego, which is larger than several of Jupiter’s moons, convinced me that these people wanted to be my friend because of my stunning looks, dazzling charm, and devotion to defending those without a voice in the mainstream media.

I learned the hard way that I was blinded by vanity. As my stock shot up, the friends I attracted came to me with largely selfish intentions. They wanted to attach themselves to my fame. They wanted to live off my credit cards. Many of them, above all else, simply wanted access and social cachet. They wanted my stamp of approval on their products and services and they wanted their websites shared with my audience. By 2017, as an established superstar in the political world, I attracted more old-fashioned grifters eager to suck money out however they could. Some of the friends I’d gained in recent years converted into this type of monster as well—even some long-term friends from Europe ended up this way. They were all vampires draining my blood bank.

If my life were a horror movie—which it feels like much of the time—the plot would center around me being a carrier of the vampire virus, yet immune to it. Anyone who touched my finances would turn into a heartless monster whose thirst could only be slaked by MILO’s money, and I wouldn’t figure out how to detect these vampires until it was too late. You must admit, me being a disease carrier really lends some credibility to the scenario—whether my haters are on the control-left or the alt-right, they are all convinced by my gravity-defying cheekbones that I am pozzed, which is gay slang for “too poor to buy rubbers and too lazy to go to the clinic.”

In Dangerous, I reflected on the support I received from friends during one of the many times my enemies thought they had killed me. What feels like a million years ago, I wrote: “These have been trying times and I have been tested. There were a few days when I almost gave up on my mission. But thousands of fans reached out, my friends and family had my back, and the people of this world I respect the most kept taking my calls. I couldn’t let you all down. My enemies thought I had been vanquished, that I would go into hiding in the hills of Dartmoor with my dick between my legs like some weak ass pussy faggot. They couldn’t be more wrong. All they’ve done is piss me off.”

That passage has remained true for some of my more recent problems, including my financial fall from grace. For my sincere fans and friends, I thank you for sticking with me, and for purchasing this book. One thing is for sure, going broke absolutely separates those out for a quick buck from one’s actual mates. To understand my relationship with friends, and how it got me into trouble, you have to grasp my system. The old saying goes, “Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold,” which I adapted slightly into my own credo: “Make new friends, then rank them according to their personal qualities and let them fight to earn your favor.”

The end result of following my spreadsheet was a devotion to the worst people in my life. The best-dressed people led me into an arms race of $20,000 handmade jackets and accessories. The troublemakers blew through my money in repair bills. The hard luck cases got cars and rent payments and everything under the sun. The gourmands joined my fabulous (and fabulously expensive) chef’s tables in the finest restaurants. The best looking got all this and more. And I got a top rank of friends, my elite praetorian guard, who disappeared when the money ran out. If only I had tracked “likelihood to turn against MILO at the drop of a hat.”

As a general rule, if you have anything that passes for an “entourage”, there is a high probability you are destined for destitude. The entourage is a descendant of the pagan king and the uncivilized Big Man, where the alpha male’s greatness is measured by his largesse, and it is simply not viable in these days of income and capital gains taxes.

And never mistake an employee for a friend. If you’re paying someone to spend time with you, he is either an employee, a therapist, or a prostitute.


Book Interview with BIC

I spoke briefly with John Trent of Bounding Into Comics about Milo’s new book:

Not only is the book for sale on Amazon, but it’s also for sale on Arkhaven Comics’ website given the book was edited by Arkhaven Comics publisher Vox Day.

I got the opportunity to chat with Vox about the book and he lauded it’s usefulness and noted it “underlines the importance of self-responsibility.”

BIC: The book is described as a guide for people who have been deplatformed, do you expect it be common reading in the near future as social media platforms continue to ban people for writing things like “learn to code?”

Vox: “I think HOW TO BE POOR will be useful for anyone who finds themselves in difficult circumstances, even those that are not necessarily related to poverty. Milo’s book is surprisingly stoic and underlines the importance of self-responsibility even when those circumstances are beyond one’s control. But I think HOW TO BE POOR will be very popular, and indeed, the Kindle version is already an Amazon bestseller in all of its categories, because the subject matter is so relevant to an increasing number of people these days. And, of course, because it’s hilarious.”

Read the whole interview there to see what is coming next for Milo.


HOW TO BE POOR in paperback

We’re very pleased to be able to say that HOW TO BE POOR by Milo Yiannopoulos is now available in paperback from Castalia Direct. It’s a pocket-sized 96-page edition that retails for $9.99, although international readers should note that this direct service is only available in the USA at this time. You may wish to consider saving some shipping and picking up an Arkhaven comic or two while you’re at it.

Never mind the “No Image Available” graphic. We get through their system so fast now that the metadata can require a day or three to keep up. The cover is the same as the one displayed here. International readers should note that the paperback will be available on Amazon and other online booksellers within a week or two.

Speaking of Amazon, after an extensive review process, Amazon KDP has finally deigned to publish the Kindle edition, which is now available on Amazon for $2.99. Please to enjoy all the inevitable fake reviews from Milo-haters who wouldn’t even read the book for the schadenfreude.

And if you’re a Kindle reader who is now planning to head over to Amazon, don’t miss the chance to pick up a copy of AH:Q #1, which is already the #1 New Release in the Mystery and Superhero categories!

UPDATE: Already a multi-category bestseller!

Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #4,469 #844
#1 in 90-Minute Self-Help Short Reads
#1 in Aesthetics
#1 in Philosophy Aesthetics