Owen Stanley in audiobook+

Both The Missionaries and The Promethean are now available in audiobook+ at the Arkhaven store. You might suspect that I am exaggerating when I say that they are two of the funniest satirical novels ever published. And you would be absolutely and utterly wrong. Narrator Gabrielle Miller also does a wonderful job of conveying the literary humor in her unique Australian accent.

From The Promethean:

They went off in Fortescue’s Range Rover to The Drunken Badger, an old pub nearby with a mouldy green thatched roof that was the local meeting spot and had been kept for years by the genial Ken with fat Shirley his wife. Fortescue offered to stand Harry a pint of beer, but when Harry surveyed the range of drinks available, his heart sank. There was no prosecco, no white wine, indeed, no wine of any kind, as the pub had for generations stocked only local ales, the favourite of which was Old Stinker. However different palates were known to prefer Smoking Dog, Swine Snout, Wife Beater, or even Holy Terror, the most alcoholic.

This was made from a traditional recipe inherited from the local monks before Henry VIII destroyed their abbey nearby, and was notable for producing some very unmonkish behaviour. The label of Swine Snout depicted a farmyard dominated by a large manure pile, in which assorted pigs were busily rooting, and Smoking Dog was advertised by a hairy monster with very large teeth smoking a pipe. Wife Beater is perhaps best left undescribed. As he surveyed these relics of the Dark Ages, Harry groaned inwardly. Was an ice-cold Budweiser really too much for a civilised man to expect in a presumably industrialised nation?

Shirley informed Ken that the American gentleman was asking about Budweiser. Ken scratched his head and said he thought he had seen a can somewhere only recently.

“I know you was rummaging around in your shed looking for rat poison the other day,” said Shirley. “Could it have been there?”

Ken went off to look and came back with a filthy old can that had been put up on a shelf with the weedkiller and lawn fertiliser in the garden shed long ago. Ken washed it off under the tap in the bar.

“Not in a very good state, I’m afraid. Must’ve been there for years, ever since Don used to run this place. We had some Americans stationed at the airfield back then. But you’re welcome to it. Glad it’s found an ’ome at last,” pouring it into a glass. “We won’t charge you for that. On the ’ouse.”

Harry pretended to be grateful for the warm and rather odd-tasting relic of the Budweiser brewery and thought that Swine Snout might have been preferable. A local inhabitant, dressed in what looked like greased sacking, had just brought his old, wet, and shaggy dog in with him, which was now sitting under the table. Harry noticed the brown stains on the grubby carpet and wondered if they had any connection with the rather unpleasant odour that seemed to be coming from the direction of the dog.

Charles asked Harry what he would like for lunch, and Ken passed them the menu, a sheet of greasy plastic covering a crudely typed list of local delicacies. At the top of the list were pigs’ trotters and then tripe and onions, blackbird pie, jellied eels, boiled calf’s head, deep-fried pigs’ ears, brains in white sauce, ox tail fritters, and bull’s testicle soup as the pièce-de-résistance. Everything, apparently, came with chips and gravy, except the bull’s testicle soup which had mushy peas as a side order.

Shuddering, Harry asked what tripe might be.

“Ah, that’s real delicious,” said Shirley, “a nice tender piece of sheep’s stomach—more flavour than cow’s stomach—but the pigs’ ears are very tasty as well.”

Despair seized him, and for a moment he actually found himself wishing for a McDonald’s. But then, like an island of sanity in a sea of madness, Harry suddenly noticed pork pie at the bottom of the menu and said he would really like some of that.

“A very good choice,” said Ken. “That’ll be old Percy. We only slaughtered’n t’other day. If you’d’a been ’ere then, you’d’ve ’eard’n squealin’. Summat terribul t’were. Still, ’e makes a right tasty pie, no mistake about that.”

Good God, was there no end to these rural horrors, thought Harry.


Jordanetics is now an audiobook+

Having successfully extricated JORDANETICS: A Journey Into the Mind of Humanity’s Greatest Thinker from Kindle Select, we are now able to offer it as an audiobook+, which means that you can acquire both the audiobook and the ebook in two formats from Arkhaven for $14.99.

Two recent reviews by people who have actually read the book:

Systematic breakdown of Peterson’s core ideas and assessment of his character

Notice how the 1-star reviewers are claiming jealousy on Vox Day’s part in order to dismiss his systematic breakdown of Peterson, instead of pointing out any factual errors. They behave exactly like the very SJWs they criticize, who bring emotional accusations to logical conversations.

If you pay attention, reviews by verified purchases are almost unanimously 5-star, while the vast majority of bad reviews are by people who haven’t bought Jordanetics, much less read it. You can’t review something you’ve never read, because that’s not what the word ‘review’ means. But Peterson himself could very well argue, “Well, it depends on what you mean by review, eh”. So maybe this is the Petersonian tactic of redefining commonly used words to make a ludicrous position seem reasonable, which Vox Day exposes beautifully in Jordanetics.

Vox Day’s critiques of Peterson in Jordanetics are extremely methodical and clear, and peppered with a healthy dose of humor. He uses Peterson’s own words as the basis of his attack, analyzes the very sources that Peterson himself cites as the foundation for his claims, then shows you step-by-step how Peterson has twisted the original meaning of his sources to fit narratives that are wildly inconsistent with the sources themselves. And that’s just scratching the surface of what Vox Day breaks down throughout the book. Anyone who says Vox is making anything other than a clear, logic-based attack on Peterson, doesn’t see the obvious irony that Vox’s language and method is far more clear and concise than Peterson’s ambiguous and foggy ramblings.

Then again, should Peterson’s followers be expected to recognize such irony when they follow a man who claims to tell the truth, while arguing there is no such thing as objective truth? Who says Europeans should abandon basic in-group preference while defending the extremist in-group preference of another group? Who acts like a champion of free speech while de-platforming speakers like Faith Goldy? Who speaks against Communism while covering every wall in his house with realist paintings of Bolsheviks? Who says you should never cave to a Leftist mob, then at a critical moment in our Republic, says Kavanaugh should cave to a Leftist mob because of feelings? Who practices psychology while consuming psychotropic drugs for decades?

Well, it depends on what you mean by irony, bucko.

JBP has dreams…

I have to say, Jordan Peterson had me going for a while. I’d heard rumors and decided to dig a little deeper. I found this book, and jordan’s magic spell was broken. The troubling part was discovering how easily I was fooled. Here’s how:. Vox outlines how Jordan Peterson will give a title that sets the tone, and then go full into ” Baffle Garble” where he casts a myst of nonsense where he loses you…and because you’re desperately trying to find the point of what he is saying, you’ll project and “fill in the blanks” and make yourself feel content with the message “YOU heard.” This is why if you ask any of JBP’s fans to explain ANY of the rules in “12 rules for life” you’ll get a curious range of answers.

Vox sums up nicely that JBP mostly appeals to the “bottom of the barrel” and lures them into both Mediocrity and Compliance (See the chapter titled “Why Won’t You Just Take Your Damn Pills” in 12 Rules for Life). As a funny, yet disturbing bonus, we discover that Peterson has dreams about “ravishing” his female cousin, as well as his grandmother rubbing her vagina on his face….totally serious here…JBP is a real Loon. I hope you enjoy the wakeup call from Vox, and don’t shoot the messenger. Instead, do as I did and kick yourself for being lured in with Peterson’s nonsense.


The diminishing appeal of Harry Potter

I never, ever, thought the Harry Potter books were destined to become classics. This commenter at Castalia House gets it:

I started reading Harry Potter in 2004. I devoured the 5 books in less than 6 months, and followed the release of the last two books. Harry Potter was the fever of my teenage years. What I think made me like HP was not exactly the characters themselves, but the universe created by JKR. I liked to imagine myself inside that universe, being a witch like Harry and studying at Hogwarts.

Of course, as a teenager, I knew very little about other fantasy works and literary classics, so back then I really believed that Harry Potter was a genius story and JKR was the best writer in the world. Today I recognize that this is far from being true. JKR’s characters are mostly shallow, static and stereotyped. Voldemort is part of the villain trope I least like, an irremediable psychopath who was born evil and died evil, remaining eternally static, and without any trace of humor. There are villains who are irremediable but at least they have a vein of great humor, like Joker. Voldemort is nothing like that.

In addition, I think JKR made some bad decisions and wasted a lot of interesting characters on the books. I’ve always found it a shame she’d never delved into such treacherous characters as Wormtail / Peter and for example. Traitorous characters can make great stories, but instead of going into a story of redemption, she decides to put him in the shadows of the story with a death so irrelevant that it does not even appear in the film’s adaptation. Game of Thrones does a much better job with Theon Greyjoy for example, giving him more prominence and a arc of his own.

Talking about her bad decisions… I never liked JKR’s decision to make Ginny be Mrs. Potter. In a universe where we have unique and fantastic female characters like Luna and Hermione, why did JKR make Ginny the Mrs. Potter? The romance between Harry and Ginny was poorly written in the books, and extremely cringeworthy to watch in theaters. They make the most insipid and generic pair of literature, IMO. Luna Lovegood would was the best choice for Harry’s romantic pair, imo. Or if Harry finished the story with no one, it would not be bad either. I just think Ginny / Harry was hideous.

I’m not saying that the HP series is horrible and unimportant. Quite the contrary, it was part of my adolescence and in a way, it is nostalgic. The fact is… the Harry Potter books lose more and more appeal to me every time I revisit them, and today, I do not feel like reading them any more.

Rowling’s one skill was creating vivid and compelling characters. But that’s not enough to create a classic capable of withstanding the erosion of time.


“Pretty good read”

Humanity’s Greatest Thinker addresses Jordanetics, or as he calls it, “Dianetics” and describes it as a “pretty good read”.

Interviewer: Well, it’s hilarious you you kind of get, your celebrity gets co-opted from people on all sorts of parts of the political spectrum, and extremes of the political spectrum, doesn’t it.

Jordan Peterson: Well, I think there’s some of that. I don’t know it’s co-opted too much on the radical left, let’s say, although I certainly face the majority of my opposition from the radical left but the radical right types are not very fond of me either. There was a new book written called Dianetics by a rather reprehensible individual named Vox Day and if you want to find out what the ethno nationalists think about me that’s a pretty good read. I wouldn’t call it precisely complementary.

Jordanetics is a pretty good read and/or listen. It’s also a pretty thorough demonstration that Jordan Peterson is considerably worse than reprehensible. He’s downright evil and he is preaching an extremely evil and destructive philosophy.


If you like long audiobooks

A Throne of Bones (31 hours 22 minutes) is no longer your only option. William S. Lind’s ON WAR is now available in audiobook+ from the Arkhaven store. It is 26 hours and 44 minutes long and retails for $24.99.

On War is a seven-year collection of columns written by the father of 4th Generation War theory while observing the U.S. invasion and subsequent occupation of Iraq. It is an intriguing account of a war in progress, as seen through the eyes of a military theorist able to anticipate events with an almost prophetic degree of accuracy. Throughout the book, 4GW theory is defined, described, and refined as events in Iraq, Afghanistan, and other places demonstrate the theory’s utility in making sense of current events and predicting future ones. The inevitable failure of the New Iraqi Army and the U.S.-installed al-Maliki government is explained years in advance, as is the rise of the Islamic State and other 4th Generation forces presently battling for power in post-occupation Iraq.

Lind also makes an ominous, but compelling case for the gradual spread of 4th Generation chaos and the decline of the state throughout the world, including in the United States of America. Featuring a Foreword by the brilliant Israeli military theorist Martin van Creveld, On War is a fascinating book that is a must-read for every military professional, wargamer, and amateur student of the art of war.

In one of the key passages of the book, Lind writes: “4th Generation war is the greatest change since the Peace of Westphalia, because it marks the end of the state’s monopoly on war. All over the world, state militaries are fighting non-state opponents, and almost always, the state is losing.”

William S. Lind is one of the most significant and influential military theorists on the planet. The author of the Maneuver Warfare Handbook and a founder of 4th Generation War theory, Mr. Lind is known and respected by military personnel around the world.



Laying down the audio law

I fully expect these two books by Lawdog to rapidly become our bestselling audiobooks because there is literally NOTHING better to listen to on a long car drive with the family. The vehicle was literally shaking with laughter for hours, and quotes from the two books were being  regularly dropped into conversation over the entire course of the conversation. We literally couldn’t sit down to eat without someone intoning in a high-pitched voice: “As God is my witness, I’ll never go hungry again!” Which was inevitably followed by shrieks of laughter.

Do you know how people often tell you something is funny, but when you actually watch it, or read it, or listen to it, you don’t see what the fuss was all about? Yeah, that’s not the case here. Both Lawdog books are reliably much funnier and more insightful than you’re expecting it can possibly be.

Both The Lawdog Files and The Lawdog Files: African Adventures are now available as high-quality DRM-free audiobooks at Arkhaven.

THE LAWDOG FILES

LawDog had the honor of representing law and order in the Texas town of Bugscuffle as a sheriff’s deputy, where he became notorious for, among other things, the famous Case of the Pink Gorilla Suit. In The LawDog Files, he chronicles his official encounters with everything from naked bikers, combative eco-warriors, suicidal drunks, respectful methheads, prison tattoo artists, and creepy children to six-foot chickens and lethal chihuahuas.

The LawDog Files range from the bittersweet to the explosively hilarious, as LawDog relates his unforgettable experiences in a laconic, self-deprecating manner that is funny in its own right. The audiobook is more than mere entertainment, it is an education in two English dialects, Police and Texas Country. And underlying the humor is an unmistakable sympathy for society’s less fortunate – and in most cases, significantly less intelligent – whose encounters with the law are an all-too-frequent affair. 4 hours, 29 minutes. $9.99

THE LAWDOG FILES: AFRICAN ADVENTURES

LawDog had the honor of representing law and order in the Texas town of Bugscuffle as a sheriff’s deputy, where he became notorious for, among other things, the famous Case of the Pink Gorilla Suit. But long before he first put on the deputy’s star, he grew up in Nigeria, where his experiences were equally unforgettable.

In The Lawdog Files: African Adventures, LawDog chronicles his encounters with everything from bush pilots, 15-foot pythons, pygmy mongooses, brigadier-captains, and Peace Corp hippies to the Nigerian space program. The Lawdog Files: African Adventures is every bit as hilarious as the previous volume, as LawDog relates his unforgettable experiences in a laconic, self-deprecating manner that is funny in its own right. Africa wins again, and again, and again, but so too does the reader in this sobering but hilarious collection of true tales from the Dark Continent. 4 hours, 11 minutes. $9.99.


Go West on audio

Both books of Peter Grant’s very well-regarded Western series, The Ames Archives, are now available in high-quality, DRM-free MP4 format on the Arkhaven store.

BRINGS THE LIGHTNING

When the Civil War ends, where can a former Confederate soldier go to escape the long memories of neighbors who supported the winning side? Where can Johnny Reb go when he can’t go home?

He can go out west, where the land is hard, where there is danger on every side, and where no one cares for whom you fought – only how well you can do it. Walt Ames, a former cavalryman with the First Virginia, is headed west with little more than a rifle, a revolver, and a pocket full of looted Yankee gold. But in his way stand bushwhackers, bluecoats, con men, and the ever-restless Indians. 7 hours, 57 minutes. $11.99.

ROCKY MOUNTAIN RETRIBUTION

Ambushed on their way south, Walt and his men uncover a web of corruption and crime to rival anything in the big city. And rough justice, Western-style, sparks a private war between Walt and some of the most dangerous killers he’s ever encountered, a deadly war in which neither friends nor family are spared.

Across the mountains and valleys of the southern Rocky Mountains, Walt and his men hunt for the ruthless man at the center of the web. Retribution won’t be long delayed…and it cannot be denied. 8 hours, 40 minutes. $11.99.


Do we need audiobooks?

The audio onslaught continues apace with two new thematically-related audiobook+ releases at Arkhaven.

DO WE NEED GOD TO BE GOOD? by Dr. Christopher Hallpike is 7 hours and 27 minutes long, retails for $14.99, and includes the ebook in EPUB and Kindle formats.

To know how to live, do we need God and religion, or does religion only produce wars, hatred, intolerance, and unhappiness?

Does giving up God mean giving up morality, or can we finally live a peaceful and fulfilling life as atheists by following science and reason instead?

Anthropologist Christopher Hallpike has spent a lifetime’s research on the morality and religion of different cultures around the world and shows that trying to base a moral life on atheism and science actually has some very nasty surprises in store for us. Featuring a Foreword by astrophysicist Dr. Sarah Salviander.

ON THE EXISTENCE OF GODS is the response to a public challenge posed by a militant atheist who claimed to have never encountered any good arguments for the existence of gods. It is a competitive discourse between a Christian and an atheist, each of whom argue for their position on the subject, after which the arguments are adjudicated by a team of three judges, a Christian, an agnostic, and an atheist, before additional arguments are presented.

The format is compelling and the results are at times surprising, as the discussion takes unexpected twists and turns, while the judges exhibit ruthless impartiality as they criticize the arguments without mercy or favor. Vox Day, the author of THE IRRATIONAL ATHEIST, presents the Christian perspective, while Dominic Saltarelli argues for the atheist position. The debate is wide-ranging and intelligent, but remains civil throughout, even as the momentum swings in favor of one side, and then the other.

ON THE EXISTENCE OF GODS is a compelling test of how open the reader’s mind is to the various possibilities of reality, and is a worthy addition to the long history of Man’s contemplation of his own existence in the face of the divine. The audiobook+ is 3 hours 22 minutes, retails for $9.99, and includes the ebook in EPUB and Kindle formats.


TIA (audio) at Arkhaven

On one side of the argument is a collection of godless academics with doctorates from the finest universities in England, France, and the United States. On the other is THE IRRATIONAL ATHEIST author Vox Day, armed with nothing more than historical and statistical facts.

Day strips away the pseudo-scientific pretensions of New Atheism with his intelligent application of logic, history, military science, political economy, and well-documented research. The arguments of Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris, Christopher Hitchens, Daniel Dennett, and Michel Onfray are all methodically exposed and discredited as Day provides extensive evidence proving, among other things, that:

– More than 93 percent of all the wars in human history had no relation to religion
– The Spanish Inquisition had no jurisdiction over professing Jews, Muslims, or atheists, and executed fewer people on an annual basis than the state of Texas
– Atheists are almost four times more likely to be imprisoned than Christians
– “Red” state crime is primarily in “blue” counties
– Contra Richard Dawkins, sexually abused girls are 55 times more likely to commit suicide than girls raised Catholic
– In the twentieth century, atheistic regimes killed three times more people in peacetime than those killed in all the wars and individual crimes combined. 

THE IRRATIONAL ATHEIST provides the rational thinker with empirical proof that atheism’s claims against religion are unfounded in logic, fact, and science. Now available at Arkhaven for $14.99 in DRM-free MP4 format, TIA clocks in at 9 hours and 51 minutes and is narrated by Jon Mollison.