Consider that the author of Proverbs, who presumably knew something about women, saw fit to write: “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” If it was so hard for a king with 700 wives and concubines to discover one of noble character, it should come as no surprise that many young men, (and embittered older men), should see high-caliber women as being scarce to the point of utter myth.
Furthermore, it can be difficult for a man to find a woman who presents just the right mix of darkness and light to make a suitable partner for him. Few of us who have inhabited this fallen world and sampled its delectable but poisoned fruit would find an apt mate in the angelic near-saints that one occasionally meets being produced by Southern Bible colleges, while at the same time, a jaded girl with two abortions, 37 former lovers and divorced parents in her past is unlikely to hold much appeal for the man seeking a wife who will also be the mother of his children.
I knew Space Bunny was the right girl for me when she asked me why I seemed to be a little down one evening during our engagement and I told her that it was hard to accept that I was going to have to be good, when I had been so good at being bad. The fact that my sense of loss not only did not offend her, but saddened her, too, gave me the confidence to know that I had chosen the right girl for me. Her character is as honeyed as her hair, but has been sufficiently seasoned by events to prevent her inherent sweetness from cloying too much.
Now, I never recommend missionary dating, or dating someone in the hopes that they will change in any major way. But I have to admit that there is one exception to this rule, which is the woman who has never seriously considered Christianity, (or whatever is of supreme importance to you), and has a genuinely open mind about it.
My brother, who is exceptionally good-looking and occasionally an idiot of like proportions, had been lamenting that he simply could not find the kind of girl for whom he was searching. The women he met at church failed to share his interest in clothes, style and other ephemera, while those he met in the nightclubs were attractive to him but both spiritually dead and morally challenged.
My suggestion was that he try to find the middle ground and look for a girl in a nightclub who was willing to go to church with him. By this, I meant that if he went on a date with a girl he met out and about, he might casually introduce the concept of his regular church attendance and see what her reaction was. If she expressed curiousity or interest, invite her along and see her again. If, on the other hand, she expressed hostility, contempt or even neutrality, move on.
However, my brother has a disturbing tendency to take my suggestions literally. The next weekend, he saw a pretty girl at a night club, walked up to her and dropped an unusual opening line on her: “Would you like to go to church with me?” As she explained later, she thought that was a bizarre question and she had no particular interest in church, but she was perfectly up for going anywhere that this extremely handsome fellow might be interested in taking her. (Keep in mind, he can’t even show his drivers license to write a check without the girl behind the counter marveling at it.)
However, God works in mysterious ways, and that pretty girl in the nightclub is now the mother of my nephews and an active God-fearing Christian who I am pleased to call sister. Change is always possible, for Jesus Christ makes all things new. Do not, however, count on anything else changing an woman, especially not a woman who holds herself in active opposition to the source of love, truth and light.