VPFL Week 12

77 Alamo City Spartans (9-2-1)
61 Mounds View Meerkats (8-4-0)

47 Burns Redbeards (8-4-0)
43 Greenfield Grizzlies (4-7-1)

76 Silver Spooners (6-3-3)
50 Masonville Marauders (3-8-1))

141 Judean Peoples Front (6-6-0)
53 Winston Reverends (4-8-0)

86 Valders Valkyries (6-6-0)
52 Black Mouth Curs (3-9-0)

I’m a bit disappointed that the Grizzlies didn’t do me a favor and knock off Burns, and their attempt at outdoing the JPF explosion will probably only fall short due to a failure to start Brian Westbrook.

A proper Mea Culpa

A Gunner repents of his utter foolishness:

You may recall that in this column, I demanded that Arsenal ‘part company’ with Arsene Wenger. I had written that demand precisely 17 minutes after we had been thrashed 3-0 by Manchester City. Our fifth, and worst, Premier League defeat of the season.

I was depressed, frustrated, consumed with blind anger and behaved like most football fans behave in the immediate aftermath of a terrible loss – irrationally. Foaming at the mouth, I scrapped the column I had already written (The ‘Gallas must go’ one) and ripped into Wenger instead.

‘Enough was enough,’ I stormed. ‘He must go!’ And for the rest of the evening, I congratulated myself on my fearless one-man campaign to oust the greatest manager in Arsenal’s history. Then I went to bed and, at 3am, reality dawned with the power of a demented 10-inch maggot crawling inside my ear. What was I thinking? How could I do this? Had I lost my mind?

I didn’t even bother to respond to Morgan’s previous madness. It was clear to me that he was simply off his gourd. I have complete faith in Arsene Wenger’s ability to reload the Arsenal and such is my confidence in his pure managerial abilities that I would prefer see him coach the Minnesota Vikings in his spare time rather than see the Purple continue to languish under the loathesome, rubbery hand of the Childress regime.

Blatant media coverup

A reported death by shopping:

A Wal-Mart worker died after being trampled when hundreds of shoppers smashed through the doors of a Long Island store Friday morning, police and witnesses said.

This is being reported as a shopping stampede, but don’t believe it for a second. Those who have seen the movies will recognize the signs; it’s obvious the great zombie panic of ’08 has begun!

For proof, consider this screen-captured image from CNN’s initial report of the “stampede” before it was scrubbed.

Confusing strategy with tactics

I was wondering how on Earth one of the top Indian counter-terrorist specialist managed to get himself killed at the Taj Mahal:

The death of Bombay’s top antiterrorist officer is a devastating blow to a police force struggling to confine a burgeoning Islamist threat. Hemant Karkare, the chief of the Maharashtra Anti-Terrorism Squad, was shot three times in the chest as he led his men at the Taj Mahal Palace, one of the two luxury hotels overrun by heavily armed terrorists.

Mr Karkare’s decision to lead his troops from the front was typical of India’s anti-terrorism commanders. The country has a tradition of promoting police officers who specialise in “encounter killings” – a controversial form of extrajudicial justice used against suspected criminals. It is not unusual for such men to have dozens of kills to their name.

I’d been assuming that the militants had a sniper armed with a .50 caliber or something who took Karkare out when he was surveying the scene or giving a press conference. My alternative explanation was that a booby trap had been prepared with a large bomb. It never occurred to me that an experienced paramilitary commander would perform the modern equivalent of a cavalry charge into a fortified position. The amateurish Indian tactics explain another thing that was confusing me from the initial reports, namely, the fact that police and military casualties actually outnumbered the Islamic militants killed.

Bravery is an excellent thing in a commander. But it’s not really an effective substitute for intelligence and strategy.

I’m just curious how long it will be before one of these terrorist spectaculars takes place at the Mall of America. It seems that Somalis given residence in Minneapolis are known to have been successfully recruited to join the jihadist efforts in Somalia, while the Telegraph is reporting “Two British-born Pakistanis were among the terrorists who killed 140.”

I also wonder how many will have to die in the name of multiculturalism before it is finally rejected by the American people?

For which I am thankful

I am grateful to God for many things this Thanksgiving, particularly the following:

1. The health and happiness of my family.

2. The quality and commitment of my employees and partners.

3. Ristretto in the morning.

4. Prosecco in the evening.

5. Adrian Peterson.

You get what you pay for

I’m not saying she’s a gold digger, but she’s not staying with no gentleman of contracting circumstances:

Having married her wealthy husband with his considerable salary uppermost in her mind, the Toxic Wife simply does not do “for richer, for poorer”. Little Dorrit, she ain’t. Indeed, lawyers and financial advisers have reported a 50 per cent increase in the number of divorce inquiries since the financial markets collapsed in September….

According to Susie Ambrose, a marital psychotherapist and CEO of Seventy-Thirty, an upmarket introduction company that takes its name from the work versus free time balance, there has been an unprecedented demand from married women recently. ”We are being targeted by women on the fence between leaving their husbands who are on the brink of losing their wealth, and wanting to meet someone extremely rich straight away,” she says.

I’m sure it must be very hard for a proud and previously successful man to realize that his marriage is a sham and he’s been taken for a complete tool. But really, it’s not as if the warning signs are seldom there. If a woman is so psychopathic as to go ballistic over her husband not being willing to fund her every whim or give in to her every demand, he’d do well to sign Vampirella up for one of those upmarket introduction companies himself and shed the cashsucker at the earliest opportunity.

Of course, not everyone can be as happily philosophical about their previous mistakes as one acquaintance of mine in the game industry. When in the course of conversation, someone brought up the failure of his first marriage, he smiled happily and pronounced the divorce settlement to be the best $200,000 he’d ever spent in his life. Life is always better without Toxic people around.

And the hard, cold reality is that the Attractive Girls Union always plays hardball.

About that non-existent war on Christmas

Paranoia doesn’t mean someone isn’t really out to get Santa:

FGCU administration has banned all holiday decorations from common spaces on campus and canceled a popular greeting card design contest, which is being replaced by an ugly sweater competition. In Griffin Hall, the university’s giving tree for needy preschoolers has been transformed into a “giving garden.”

The point isn’t that Christmas is in danger of being eradicated. The point is that those who celebrate Christmas know that those who insist on replacing “Merry Christmas” with “Happy Holidays” will ban Christmas if they are ever given the opportunity.

You know, there’s probably an animated Christmas special to be found in this somewhere….

Ways and Means

The Chairman responsible for the tax code is a tax evader:

First there is the Washington Post’s revelation that Rangel inappropriately claimed a tax break on his D.C. townhouse by claiming it was his primary residence. The five-year charade only netted the congressman from Harlem about $1,500, which is relatively small potatoes. But it nicely dovetails with two other Rangel escapades of late: That he failed to pay taxes on $75,000 in rental income from his luxury beach villa in the Caribbean because he—ahem—didn’t know it was income; and that he scored several rent-stabilized apartments in New York, each of which he must claim as his primary residence. Taken all together, it looks like the top tax-writer in Congress is a tax cheat.

So, what are the odds this guy will get more than a decade in jail?