The Harassinator strikes again!

Herman Cain says he was just helping a woman financially… in much the same way that Eddie Murphy was just giving that tranny prostitute a ride and Hugh Grant was just helping Destiny Brown floss her teeth. Such good samaritans, the three of them:

An Atlanta businesswoman is breaking her silence, claiming she has been involved in a 13-year-long affair with Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain…. She says the physical relationship ended about eight months ago, right before Cain announced he was running for president. But the communication did not. When we asked for any corroborating evidence, she pointed us to her cell phone contacts. One name: Herman Cain.

She showed us some of her cell phone bills that included 61 phone calls or text messages to or from a number starting with 678. She says it is Herman Cain’s private cell phone. The calls were made during four different months– calls or texts made as early as 4:26 in the early morning, and as late as 7:52 at night. The latest were in September of this year.

“We’ve never worked together,” said White. “And I can’t imagine someone phoning or texting me for the last two and a half years, just because.”

We texted the number and Herman Cain called us back. He told us he “knew Ginger White” but said these are “more false allegations.” He said she had his number because he was “trying to help her financially.”

I’m sure he is telling the truth, if by “help her financially” he meant “provide her with a taste of that sweet, sweet, forbidden fruit that is known by the name of Herman Cain”. The best part is the way she describes him: “Herman Cain loves Herman Cain.” That sums it all up right there. You may recall that I told you, right from the start, that the man’s candidacy was a joke.

I shall now commence to bathe in the invigorating saline waters of Fred Backer’s tears.

UPDATE: In a conference call this morning, Herman Cain told his senior staff that he is “reassessing” whether to remain in the race. He will make his final decision “over the next several days.”