Carlos Danger for Fed Chairman

As far as I can tell, there are three requirements for being appointed Federal Reserve Chairman:

  • He must be a Jew.  There hasn’t been a Gentile at the helm in nearly three decades.
  • He must be of the political elite. 
  • He must be a man.

There has been a lot of talk about Larry Summers or Janet Yellen being appointed to succeed Helicopter Ben by Barack Obama.  While Summers and Yellen are both Jewish, and therefore ethnically eligible, Summers is handicapped by being completely wrong about the housing crisis and Yellen is ineligible by virtue of being female.

Also, Yellen is the current Vice Chairman of the Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve System, so how likely is it that she can fix what she helped break in the first place?

While there are no shortage of economists who did foresee the housing crisis, unfortunately, only Peter Schiff is Jewish and he is observably not of the political elite. Neither is the corpse of Murray Rothbard, which despite being dead for 18 years, would make for a better Fed Chairman than either Summers or Yellen.

So, where can we find a Jewish man who is of the political elite who will not be inclined to simply continue Helicopter Ben’s dysfunctional strategy?  My suggestion? Anthony Weiner aka Carlos Danger.

Carlos Danger would be the perfect Fed Chairman.  Set him up with a webcam, and internet connection and a Twitter account called @bigphatmoneymaker and he’ll happily spend his time at the office sending inflationary pictures to starstruck land whales instead of sending trillions of inflationary credit dollars to undercapitalized European banks. The global economy will be saved, the Lizard Queen’s reputation will no longer be sullied by association, and the women’s magazines will devote cover after cover to “The Glamorous Woman Behind the Fed”.

The bi-factional ruling party is happy. The media is happy. Hoi polloi is happy. Everybody wins.