For Our Friend Damien’s abortive SF career:
Damien Walter @damiengwalter
I don’t believe I can claim to belong in SF any longer. That makes me a little sad, but also excited.
While I did advise Our Friend that he ought to go ahead and quit as per his declaration concerning his distaste for the true demographics of the SF community, I don’t think I can take all the blame for this sad loss to world literature. Any reasonable mind will clearly conclude that it is mostly the fault of that dreadful D-List author, Larry Correia:
A List – High upon Mount Olympus They Gaze Down Upon the Pathetic Mortals = All the $
- Authors who are worth more than the GDP of some countries.
- Authors who build their houses out of gold bars.
- Characters from their books get their own theme parks.
- The lady who wrote Twilight.
B List – The King(s) =$$$$$$$$$$
- Authors who have TV shows about their books starring Peter Dinklage.
- Authors who sleep on large piles of money.
- Politicians who get illegal campaign contributions masquerading as advances.
- Oprah’s Book Club
and all the way down to:
X List – The X
- Writes violent pornographic bondage fan fiction involving My Little
Ponies, Voltron, and Breaking Bad on the internet, while dressed in a
stained bunny costume that looks like a strange gimp version of that
thing from Donnie Darko.
- Don’t make any sudden moves.
- We’re just going to walk away real slow now.
Y List – The Yama
- A primordial creature barely capable of vomiting words onto a page in a
blasphemous impersonation of the act of writing, so mind shattering and
terrible that a single story threatened to end language forever. He is
The Thing That Should Not Be. To read his foul creations will summon the
Black Goat of the Woods with its Thousand Young, and it will kill your
muse and sodomize the corpse.
- Is confident that he’d be a much
more successful writer than A-X, if only he wasn’t too busy stalking
Asian women on the internet to actually submit any of his crayon
- The reason sci-fi conventions have security.
Z List – The Guardian’s Village Idiot = ($)
- A kind of Anti-Author.
- Motivated by delusions of relevancy, crowd sources witch hunts against writers higher on the list.
- Collects the opposite of royalties, and actually has to be paid a strange sort of “Book Welfare” to produce a book.
I’m sure we will all be waiting, with no small amount of anticipation, to learn what genre Our Friend Damien will be not writing in next.