Let women save themselves, noble sir

This one is for all the Deltas and Gammas out there, who really need to grasp this simple fact: you don’t save women. You just don’t do it. The fact that a woman is in need of saving is, in fact, a serious disqualification, and you should understand that your desire to save her is intrinsically predatory in nature. It is preying upon the weak at a level to which not even the pick-up artists you hate and envy will descend.

And in any event, to paraphrase Cavour, the ingratitude of woman will astonish the world.

Even though I’d worked with Carla for over a year I really didn’t know her that well and that was the reason for my apprehension and not that I had just come out of a marriage that started much the same way.

But Carla knew exactly how to kill that apprehension and trigger that oh-so-useful male provider instinct by upping the ante:

One Monday morning, Carla was absent from work. She hadn’t called or texted since Saturday night so I was on edge wondering if another man had her attention now.

Finally, around lunch time I get a frantic call from her. She tearfully tells me her boyfriend kicked her out on Sunday, threw all of her and her son’s stuff out on the lawn and that she was at her sister’s place.

I told her I was relieved that she at least had a place to stay. But Carla turned up the heat just a few more degrees by telling me that her sister’s boyfriend told her she could only stay for a week and after that he’d take her to a shelter…

…and that was all I needed to hear. I got her sister’s address, told my boss I was taking the rest of the day off, jumped in my car, and raced over to rescue my fair maiden with my cape flapping in the wind.

I was so excited about how lucky I was to get a second chance to rescue a woman it was pathetic. I was actually thinking to myself “I’m gonna do it right this time” on my way over to get her.

After all was said and done, I had rented her a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom house with a fenced in back yard for her dog near downtown. I paid the deposit and first month’s rent, turned on her electric and cable, all in my name. I even rented a U-Haul and moved her shit into her new place (with the help of her sister’s boyfriend).

Guess how that story ended? Dr. Dre was right.