buwaya August 15, 2015 3:31 PM  

I apologize in advance for the interjection of a marginally related matter – I have been over at File 770 bringing up the matter of a negotiated peace. It does not seem to have gone over too well for the most part, but patience is of course the key. Under the circumstances it seems to be the case that the balance of power (or risk vs return) seems to favor the puppies, so I was asking about what sort of concessions they would be willing to offer. I apologize for neglecting to check with you about the sort of concessions, in a concrete sense, this faction would be willing to accept.

The Supreme Dark Lord, Evil Legion of Evil August 15, 2015 4:16 PM

There is no need to apologize. As it happens, there are a few things we would be willing to accept in order to bring about a rapprochement in science fiction.

John Scalzi’s skull
Patrick Nielsen Hayden’s skull
The Toad of Tor’s skull
Jim C. Hines’s skull
Irene Gallo’s skull
Charles Stross’s skull
Phil Sandifer’s skull
Mary Kowal’s skull

Silvered and made into goblets, please. We may need four more, but I think eight place settings will suffice.

UPDATE: I am reliably informed that we actually have twelve SJW-bone table settings. So we will also require:

Steven Gould’s skull
Matthew Johnson’s skull
James Enge’s skull
Lee Martindale’s skull

We would also like to request a half-stanza from Byron’s “Lines Inscribed Upon A Cup Formed From A Skull” to be engraved upon each skull. As there are six stanzas, this will nicely suit the set.

Start not—nor deem my spirit fled:
   In me behold the only skull
From which, unlike a living head,
    Whatever flows is never dull. 

I lived, I loved, I quaff’d, like thee:
   I died: let earth my bones resign;
Fill up—thou canst not injure me;
   The worm hath fouler lips than thine.

Better to hold the sparkling grape,
   Than nurse the earth-worm’s slimy brood;
And circle in the goblet’s shape
   The drink of Gods, than reptiles’ food.

Where once my wit, perchance, hath shone,
   In aid of others’ let me shine;
And when, alas! our brains are gone,
   What nobler substitute than wine?

Quaff while thou canst—another race,
   When thou and thine like me are sped,
May rescue thee from earth’s embrace,
   And rhyme and revel with the dead.

Why not? since through life’s little day
   Our heads such sad effects produce;
Redeem’d from worms and wasting clay,
   This chance is theirs, to be of use.

I believe it is a priori apparent that their skulls would be of far more utility to mankind if they were helping satiate the thirst of the Dark Lord and his guests than any other purpose for which they might be currently used.

Buwaya on August 15, 2015 at 1:33 pm said:

I have a response from [Day] requesting some people’s skulls, some of whom I don’t recognize. Seems unrealistic even for an opening offer, but its a start anyway

Camestros Felapton on August 16, 2015 at 1:02 am said:

New plan:
1. we get Mr Crocodile to bargain VD down to just one skull
2. we get a FAKE skull and turn it into a wine goblet & send it to VD
3. we persuade John Scalzi to run aound WorldCon with his T-shirt over his head and shouting ‘oh noes, where’s me head gone’ and wave his arms in the air like he has no head.
4. peace in our time

Felapton is the guy who did the Puppy Kerfluffle map, the latest version of which is below. I have to say, I rather like the cut of his jib.