Investigation Into Clinton’s Email Is Over, Lynch Says
By MICHAEL D. SHEAR 7:43 PM ET
In a statement, Attorney General Loretta Lynch accepted the F.B.I.’s recommendation against charges for Mrs. Clinton’s use of a private email server while secretary of state.
In other Justice Department news, Attorney General Lynch announced that Bill Clinton has asked her to stay on as Attorney General, while also being the next nominee for the Supreme Court, and that she signed a ten year contract with the Clinton Foundation with unspecified duties and an unlimited expense account. Her favorite niece will become ambassador to Monaco, her favorite nephew an astronaut, and Ms. Lynch will serve with Mrs. and Mr. Clinton on a new Semi-Unofficial Committee of Three that will oversee the FBI, NSA, and Navy Seals and choose targets of drone strikes (each member gets “one free one per year, no questions asked”). Also, the highest priority legislation of the New Clinton Administration will be “Shoulders & Up Only” hate crime legislation making it illegal to tweet a full body photo of a clothed female federal official.
Actually, I think we all know who would win if the media would give the lower body of Ms Clinton McCankles a miss. And that would be America.