The 16 Points of the Cuckservative

Ilsepher posted them on Gab. I took the liberty of adding a few refinements here and there. I just wish we’d had this to include in Cuckservative. We may have to add another appendix to the ebook.

  1. The Cuckservative recognizes that it is an imperative, and the chief solemn duty of all American men and women, to fight for the rights, welfare, security, happiness, justice, and well-being of the entire third world and its posterity, and provide them with free access to the fruits of our land, our people, and our welfare system.
  2. The Cuckservative realizes there is something magical about the American geography that instills a predilection and reverence for White Anglo-Saxon Protestant ideals, small government, and the American way of life, in anyone who resides there.
  3. The Cuckservative recognizes that it is always better to adhere to one’s principles and lose than risk betraying those principles by winning.
  4. The Cuckservative disavows every form of religious or ethnic state and recognizes that we must all strive towards a more inclusive United States, Europe, Australia, New Zealand, and Canada.
  5. The religious ethnostate of Israel, and its right to remain exclusively Jewish, are intrinsically legitimate and must never be questioned or criticized.
  6. The U.S. Constitution is a sacred and inspired document, and the historical American nation as envisioned by the Founding Fathers must be carefully conserved.
  7. The United States of America is a proposition nation, unique from all other nations, due to its Magic Dirt.
  8. Rigorous adherence to the scientific method, including the social sciences, is vital in order to create policies based on reason, evidence, and statistics to better address, and understand, serious societal problems such as crime, poverty, inequality, and racism. Unlike liberals, the Cuckservative reasons on the basis of facts and does not allow emotions or societal norms to dictate his views, regardless of how controversial.
  9. Race does not exist, and even if it did, this uninclusive hatefact would not be relevant to the Cuckservative or his wife’s black son. PLEASE DON’T CALL ME RACIST!
  10. The Cuckservative exhibits dutiful and unquestioning faith in the teachings of the Judeo-Christian Church, and strives to instill subsequent generations with the Judeo-Christian values of inclusiveness, tolerance, self-love, and the revelation of the inherently good nature of man as embodied by Churchian teachings.
  11. The Cuckservative understands that diversity and multiculturalism are our greatest strengths, and that discrimination and intolerance of other lifestyles or people are evil, as was taught by Judeo-Christ himself.
  12. The Cuckservative must always stand like a rock in a stream of policies for muh principles.
  13. The Cuckservative understands he must change with the times lest he risk irrelevance in the face of the progressive evolution of society, by periodically questioning and amending his principles. 
  14. The Cuckservative knows moderacy is a virtue and it is his solemn duty to hold his nominal allies to a higher standard than liberals. A Cuckservative should not hesitate to take the side of a liberal if a fellow conservative gets unruly in debate and betrays the conservative principles of Decency, Tolerance, and Inclusiveness.
  15. The Cuckservative cares what you think about him. Especially if you are a liberal, socialist, communist. That goes double if you are black or gay, triple if you are a woman or Jewish.
  16. The Cuckservative pledges allegiance, to the Dirt, of the United States of America, and to the Equality for which it stands, One World, under the deity or abstract ideal of your current preference, with Tolerance and Inclusion for All.
But I think the cuckservative philosophy is can be summed up thusly: the best Americans are foreigners born abroad.