They speak in symbols

I’m no semiotician specializing in occultic esotericism, but the Turner Classic Movies schedule for January 20th does tend to cause one to raise an eyebrow. Notice a certain pattern?

  • 6:00 AM Ode To Billy Joe (1976)
  • 8:00 AM Polo Joe (1936)
  • 9:30 AM The Fabulous Joe (1947)
  • 10:45 AM The Story of G. I. Joe (1945)
  • 12:45 PM Joe Smith, American (1942)
  • 2:00 PM A Guy Named Joe (1943)
  • 4:15 PM Pal Joey (1957)
  • 6:15 PM Mighty Joe Young (1949)
  • 8:00 PM Murder She Said (1961)
  • 9:45 PM Murder at the Gallop (1963)
  • 11:15 PM Murder Most Foul (1964)
  • 1:00 AM Murder Ahoy (1964)
  • 2:45 AM Penguin Pool Murder (1932)
  • 4:00 AM Murder on the Blackboard (1934)
UPDATE: as Luuk points out, 8 “Joe” movies and 6 “Murder” movies. Cassell’s Dictionary of Slang: the meaning of “86” expanded during the 1970s to mean “to kill, to murder; to execute judicially”

Avoid like the plague

The Dark Herald reviews the BBC’s sadistic assassination of Terry Pratchett’s finest literary legacy, 

This show hates me.  And it feels quite personal.

I mean, ran over your dog, backed up and did it again, burned down your house, then sent your wife and children to the gas chambers personal. That is the level of individual hatred I felt directed at me while I was viewing The Watch. I am quite serious when I say that this show is the product of extreme mental illness.  

Absolute, abject hatred of its source material is evident in every aspect of this production.

The Watch’s art style is a discordant series of nightmare images meant to evoke disgust.  It’s walking into Wonderland and finding Alice’s bloody severed head as the center piece of the Mad Hatter’s Tea Party. It’s a Middle-Earth where Sauron prevailed, and Frodo is now one of Nazgul….

It starts with Nobby Knobs meeting with Death. Or at least that is what any fan of the series who was Blissfully unaware of the horrors he was about to endure would assume. They didn’t really get Death right. in the book’s Death is more traditionally a grim Reaper figure consisting of cloak, skeleton and scythe. Here he was more of a giant robot with clawed hands and glowing eyes in the hood. So, they missed the mark there, but they got Nobby Nobs completely right. Nobby is the only person on Discworld that has to carry a certificate that reads: “I, after hearing evidence from a number of experts, including Mrs. Slipdry the midwife, certify that the balance of probability is that the bearer of this document, C.W. St John Nobbs, is a human being. Signed, Lord Vetinari.”  They did brilliantly there.

Except that it turns out Nobby isn’t in this series at all.  Neither is Fred Colon come to that.

No, the guy you thought was Nobby is actually Captain Sam Vimes. This wasn’t trying to meet the mark and missed, this wasn’t even an attempt to try something “a little more modern.”  They would have just race swapped Vimes if that was what these talentless clods were trying to do.  This was the deliberate character assassination of the character of “Sam Vimes, White Patriarchal Male.”

There is a difference between deconstruction and total ablation.

Actually, Frodo as The Tenth Nazgul sounds vastly more interesting than this unmitigated abomination. At this point, I’m beginning to think that Arkhaven isn’t so much one of the little mammals skittering around the feet of the entertainment industry dinosaurs as the proverbial asteroid.

Black Anne Boleyn

The House of Tudor wuz kangz:

Jodie Turner-Smith has been spotted as Anne Boleyn for the first time while filming a Channel 5 drama that its producers say seeks to ‘challenge conventions’ and shine a ‘feminist light’ on her story.  

Turner-Smith, a black actress born in Britain, is portraying Anne who was the second wife of English King Henry VIII, whom he famously had beheaded in 1536. 

Boleyn, who was the white daughter of English nobility, is also one of the key causes of the English Reformation and the mother of Queen Elizabeth I. 

She was executed by Henry for high treason after failing to produce a male heir. 

Producers Fable Pictures say the drama ‘challenges all the conventions of who we think Anne Boleyn was and shines a feminist light on her story. 

In related news, Fable Pictures announced it will be filming a documentary about Michelle Obama for Netflix, starring Owen Benjamin as the former First Lady.

That’s not an accident

It’s not even a hacked car, given the description.

#HarrisonDeal car exploded (witnesses heard the explosion over a mile away).  Vehicle left as molten metal, engine block ejected 50-60 yards away.  That’s not an accident. That’s a car bomb disguised as an accident.

– Land of the Free

Unlike most people, I have actually crashed a car, set it on fire, and seen the fuel tank explode. 

It wasn’t even a crash per se, it just an unfortunate accident when I went off the road in a road rally in a 1977 MGB during the midst of a serious summer drought. Once the car came to a halt, unharmed, we heard something crackling underneath us and very soon after, smelled smoke. The catalytic converter had set the very dry field alight. A soon as I realized the car was stuck, we promptly bailed and ran toward the nearest farmhouse. 

The fireman arrived too late to do anything about the car, but they did manage to prevent the fire from engulfing the whole field or endangering any homes. When the gas tank exploded, it wasn’t like a bomb blast and it didn’t do anything more than blow the trunk cover up, with a dull crump that sent a brief stream of very black smoke up amidst the regular grey smoke from the fire. It didn’t even blow the cover off entirely, and MGB’s are essentially made out of tin.

Neither gasoline nor diesel explode in a manner resembling movie effects. They ignite and they burn, to be sure, but they don’t explode. So whatever made the Deal car explode so violently, it wasn’t anything that one would normally find in a civilian automobile or truck.

However, I doubt the engine block could have been ejected that far and I haven’t seen that in any of the eyewitness accounts. The amount of explosive required to do that would have been unlikely to leave any survivors in the other vehicles, which suggests someone is confusing that detail with details from Michael Hasting’s “accident”.

Anyhow, this suggests that the President should make his move sooner rather than later, lest the innocent suffer. And from the strategic perspective, a demonstrated inability to protect those around the elected officials who are already afraid to do their duty is not going to convince them to do it.

So Dumbledore really was gay

I’ve always despised the Harry Potter books. I’ve only ever seen part of one movie, but I hated that too. Apparently one-third of the script was devoted to one actor or another saying “Harry!” It would appear that my instincts are still sound when it comes to the Hellmouth, if this blind item from CDAN about a famous film franchise is any guide.

This actor was never higher than C+ list. Foreign born and mostly movies he has actually been in some of the biggest movies of all time. Speaking roles in most of them but just a minor character (although one all of you would know). He actually has a chance to be more famous outside of acting in his current career than he ever did acting, despite being in such a huge franchise. He was talking to an interviewer about his new profession and the interviewer asked the former actor why he chose the new profession. The former actor said it was because on the set of the franchise he was scared everyday of getting molested or raped by many of the older men that were on the set. He said this was especially true in the first few films where you learned really quickly not to walk around certain areas of a set or to wander too far away from other people. There were just too many men there who loved nothing more than dragging some 10 year old boy somewhere for 20 minutes and threatening to hit him or get him kicked off the movie if he told anyone. Our former actor said there were only a few older actors who took part, but they were some of the worst. An actor would tell a crew member and the crew member would grab the boy and hold him for the actor and then often the crew member would take a turn too. The former actor said some of the tween girls on the set were bothered, but as far as he knows, none were raped liked the boys. Once the actors got to be a certain age, they could fight or were big enough to get the men to back off, but with new young boys coming in for every film, it was a never ending cycle of sexual abuse and no one did anything to stop it.

Harry Potter

The director of the first two films is “a Spielberg protege who also directed Macauley Culkin in the two “Home Alone” movies.” I am as ashocked as I am sastonished. It’s getting to the point where we require words to describe the exact opposite of being surprised.

RIP James Bond

With all due respect to Roger Moore and Daniel Craig, there was only ever One True James Bond. RIP Sean Connery.

James Bond actor Sir Sean Connery has died aged 90. 

Sir Sean, whose acting career spans decades, is best known for his portrayal of British fictional spy James Bond who he played between 1962–1971. 

He also starred in The Hunt for Red October, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade and The Rock. 

I always admired the way he never saw any need to hide his Scottish accent, no matter what role he was playing. In my personal opinion, his performance in The Rock was the best of his career.

“Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.”

Dying in your sleep at age 90 in the Bahamas while surrounded by your loved ones. That, I would suggest, is a proper winner’s exit.

Say goodbye to Charlie Brown

Better buy the DVD. It looks like Apple is going to vanish A Charlie Brown Christmas.

For many families, Peanuts holiday specials are key markers of the season, but don’t expect to watch them this year. After 20 years with ABS, the rights to It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown, A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving, and A Charlie Brown Christmas were acquired by Apple TV Plus…. This will be the first year since 1965 in which Peanuts specials haven’t aird free on broadcast TV.

How long do you think it will be before Apple edits out the Bible from the Christmas story? I give it three years. And let’s face it, the Thanksgiving special could be offensive to indigenous people and might remind people that being replaced by immigrants is a bad thing, so it will have to go too.

Even SJWs are revolted

NIGHT WATCH is Terry Pratchett’s best book. It’s very, very good, conveying genuine emotion and adding considerable depth to characters that in previous and subsequent books are little more than vehicles for passing humor. I consider it to be one of the best 25 fantasy novels ever written. Which, no doubt, is why everyone, even his SJW fans, are horrified by what the BBC has done to the book in “boldly reimagining” it for film. The Dark Herald knew it was going to be bad, but even he couldn’t anticipate just how bad it looks to be:

I’ve been dreading the BBC’s The Watch for a while. It had the words “A bold reimagining by the BBC” in front of it, so I knew it would be bad but…

Oh, my fucking fuckity fuck!!! This is much more horrible than I could have ever imagined it to be. This isn’t a just a try at an adaption that misses the mark. There was nothing well meaning about this at all. This is the deliberate and hideous destruction of a man’s life’s work.

I would sit through The Last Jedi for a week straight without bathroom breaks rather than watch this trailer again.

Even Disney couldn’t have screwed this one up any worse. No, I’m serious!

It’s not hard to know where to start. Ankh-Morpork is a low fantasy city inspired by Lankhmar, the core city in the Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser stories by Fritz Leiber, it is not a steampunk city. Sam Vines is a world-weary beat cop who unexpectedly marries into the nobility, not a Johnny Depp Pirates of the Caribbean wannabe. And Lord Havelock Vetinari, the Patrician of Ankh-Morpork, is the living embodiment of Machiavelli’s The Prince, not a woman.

And dwarves have beards….

It’s not the “Left” that hates Tolkien

It’s the anti-Christian Prometheans at Amazon who are attempting to degrade Middle Earth and turn it into Westeros with elves. Sexy, naked, gay elves:

It is obvious the left has it in for Tolkien and his work. This could not stop a major company like Amazon from wanting to profit off Tolkien’s hugely popular Legendarium.  

While Amazon is looking for a cash cow series, it appears pop culture is trying to defile Tolkien’s work from within, and what better way to undermine Tolkien’s message than to reimagine his stories in secular terms? From their point of view, it makes perfect sense to recreate the Second Age into a sexual paganist series to succeed “Game of Thrones.” 

The left is already cheering on the beginnings of the presumed assassination of Tolkien’s legacy. The leftist “NY Magazine” ran a story this week headlined, “Give Us the Horny Lord of the Rings Show We Deserve.” “Are we sure that an overwhelmingly erotic Middle Earth experience is such a bad thing,” read the article. “Make the elves get a little freaky. Allow the hobbits their fun. Give a new meaning to the inscription on the West-door of the Mines of Moria: Speak, friend, and enter.”

Ideology politics are dead. Idea wars are reserved for homogeneous societies, not multiracial, multiethnic, multireligious, war zones.  The culture wars are intrinsically interidentity, and anyone who is still babbling about Left and Right, or Liberal and Conservative, is simply demonstrating the extent to which they fail to understand their own reality.

Social Justice is Satan’s Justice.